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Thursday, June 25, 2015

7 Tips to Help You Score on a Date

I am an average looking guy. By average, I mean that I realize I am no movie star, but I do not frighten small children, either. Nevertheless, I have been very fortunate in my dealings with the distaff gender, gaining access to their tender mysteries far more often than not. When I was about eleven or so, I found a book that taught sales techniques in a bargain book bin, and I have since applied those techniques to my dating life, with marvelous results. I will now share these insights with you, so that your own love life will benefit, regardless of your gender.

Married, single, attached or committed with an option to renew, everyone is interested in how to ‘score’.

Seduction is a tricky subject to expound upon, since every participant is different. It matters little if you are the seducer or the seductee, your own perceptions and intentions will flavor every nuance of the interaction.

However, there are several techniques, very similar to those taught to sales people, which will ensure a smoother path to ‘sealing the deal’. When used properly (with subtlety) they will make you seem more friendly, more trustworthy, and a firm comrade in the eyes of your intended. Subtlety is very important to success. Overdoing even one of these is sure cause to get a poke in the eye. Nobody wants to be ‘worked’.

One last caveat. All of these techniques assume that you have already made contact, broken the ice, scored a date, or otherwise connected with your intended. This is not about cheesy lines or making that first impression. You are on your own with that.

That said; let us proceed to the meat and potatoes.

Slow Down

Any action you undertake, do it slowly, languidly. It is far more interesting, more sensual, and more likely to be noticed. The simple act of lighting your intended’s smoke, or pulling out a chair for them, passing a menu back to a waiter, every action should be done as if it were studied, deliberate, and done with great care.

The quickest way into your paramour’s bedroom is the idea that once there you will take your time.

Mirroring

People react far more emotionally and far less rationally than they would like to believe. As the head (mind) finds arguments for ways of acting and behaving which come from the "heart" (emotional world), we are strengthened in our belief that we are acting rationally. Psychologists know well enough that most (and probably all) of the "life decisions" of a person are taken emotionally and not rationally. The philosopher Blaise Pascal once said: "The heart has reasons which reason knows nothing of." Mirroring is a technique that builds rapport.

When you meet someone face-to-face, 93% of how you are judged is based on non-verbal data - your appearance and your body language. Only 7% is influenced by the words that you speak. A good seduction technique is to remember people do judge a book by its cover.

Mirroring is matching a person’s behavior. When you do this, they see a bit of themselves in you and people are attracted to people who are like them.

There is a very real difference between mirroring and mimicking. The idea is not to perfectly replicate each and every move made by your intended, this is not a Carol Burnett routine, after all. Mirroring is an ‘Active Listening’ technique that unconsciously clues your intended into assuming that you are both on the same wavelength. It suggests that you are ‘all there’, focused and intent upon them, which is true enough, since you must pay attention to them in order for it to work.

This technique fosters an impression of comprehension and acceptance. By repeating – in a slightly different fashion – the actions of your intended, you synch them with your own actions. Paraphrase their words back to them, they will feel that you have heard them. Should they cross their legs, after a moment do so yourself. When they use their left hand to touch their mouth, stroke your own with your right. If they tap their feet, tap the ashtray with your swizzle stick to the same rhythm. (Not that one, you pervs). It does not even have to be the same exact movement, for example, if they adjust their glasses you might touch your hair. Match their body language with your own, and they will open up to you.

Name Dropping

This one should be obvious. Use their name. The sounds of your own name is the sweetest words your ears will ever hear. The surest way to establish a rapport is to use the name of your intended several times. Nothing gets someone’s attention more than using their name.

Be sure not to overdo it, however. It should not come across as forced.

Language Usage

Simply changing the way you speak may also make a difference in how you are received by your intended. Using "you" and "yours," or "you'll find..." rather than "I think" or "Let me tell you about," brings your message a little closer to home and may grab their attention more quickly.

When your initial encounter is over the phone, 70% of how you are perceived is based on your tone of voice and 30% on your words. It is not what you say - it is the way that you say it.

Body Language

The best seduction technique is a smile. It tells your intended paramour you are glad to be with them. Eye contact says you are paying attention and are interested in what is being said. Leaning in toward the prospective partner makes you appear engaged and involved in the conversation. Use as many signals as you can to look interested and interesting.

Certain body language is a turn-off and should be avoided. Crossed arms denote a closed mind, or a pre-formed decision. Facing your body away from your companion suggests that you are not interested, or attracted.

Assumption Principle

If you act as if something were true, you will likely be believed. If you act as if something is true, then other people around you have two choices. They can either assume you are lying or they can assume you are telling (or acting) the truth.

Generally, we are credible; we assume people are telling the truth unless we have already decided that we distrust them. Associated with this we have beliefs in the trustworthy nature of other people. Thus, a decision that the other person is lying would cause us dissonance so we assume they are telling the truth.

This is the principle of the Emperor's New Clothes. Assumption is a part of creating a self-fulfilling prophecy, where your belief in something leads to it coming true. Not magically, but through the conscious and subconscious actions in which you consequently engage.

Act 'as if' what you want was true. If the other person challenges it or acts confused, be concerned for them.

The Doubt Close

Express doubt either about the idea of the relationship or the readiness of the person for the relationship, but make this a relatively weak and easily challenged statement. Pause to let the person disagree, which a contradicting person will almost certainly do. If they do not challenge your doubt, then smoothly continue with a summary of everything so far.

The Doubt Close works by pre-empting their doubting thoughts. If you echo these thoughts, it saves them from having to think the same thoughts. When they accept these, they will begin to trust you and hence will be ready to accept suggestions of other things to think.

After Sealing the Deal

There are two more very important points to make. While they are not techniques, as such, they are crucial to your continued success with this particular paramour. If you are only seeking a one-night stand, you can stop reading here.

The first is respect. Showing that you value their opinions, are considerate of their circumstance and indulgent of their foibles will go a long way toward having them regard you in a positive light, and seek a continuation of the association.

Even someone who wants you to call them nasty names while performing degrading acts of perversion upon your person wants to be considered as a an equal person of value when clothed and out in public. Disregarding this simple notion will ensure that even if you score initially, you will not be invited back for a rematch.

Lastly and perhaps most importantly, is discretion. Nobody wants to be talked about.

Guys who brag in the locker room are the guys who are getting the least amount of action from the ladies. Once a girl knows that she will not be the topic of conversation around the office, or dorm, campus, apartment complex, or neighborhood, she will be at ease, secure in the knowledge that she can relax and enjoy your company sexually without damage to her circumstances. The tighter the circle of acquaintance, the more important this element of your dealings becomes.

There you have it, boys and girls, in a nutshell, tips and techniques guaranteed to improve your seduction success rate. Always wrap that rascal and be tender with people's hearts.

Kindness counts.



©2015 Christopher Reilley
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Tuesday, June 23, 2015

The Price We All Pay



THE PRICE WE ALL PAY

She just wanted to be held
and be told that she was pretty,
to feel a shred of human warmth
in this barren, cold city.

Her days were filled with work and friends,
her life was all of her own,
but when the sun set and dark crept in
she had always found her self alone.

He was a rake, a man about town,
so suave and debonair.
He was simply looking for a good time
with a fresh and juicy pair.

No strings was his rule, no commitments at all,
he had to be free just in case
he met another girl with something new -
a sweeter wiggle or a prettier face.

They met at a club, no place special at all;
cocktails and throbbing music in the dark.
Flushed with dancing and drink, without stopping to think
they wandered off into the park.

In the green air they groped and clutched at each other,
both of them hungry and ready to feast.
Their soft words and whisper eventually grew
to the voice of the two backed Beast.

Life quickened inside her, as it often does,
two lives suddenly became three.
Her life would never be just hers again
and he would never again be free.

God has His plan for the species of Man,
orgasm is a gift from Above.
So Man will trade his Love for Sex
and Woman will trade Sex for Love.



©2015 Christopher Reilley
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Sunday, June 14, 2015

Video - Word Jerky





 ©2015 Christopher Reilley

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Friday, June 12, 2015

Living on Borrowed Pretty II




LIVING ON BORROWED PRETTY II

Trailing along behind
the pretty girl, cute girl,
a social remora,
she sits in the corner of the party
watching the guys fall
in lust
with her friend.

Invisible as beige,
she sips from the plastic cup
knowing that the only boys
she will get to talk to tonight
are wingmen
helping a buddy out.

Resolved to another night alone,
she is rocked
by the depth of her surprise
when a guy from her least favorite class
asks her to dance.

He is not drunk.
He is not teasing.
What could he possibly want?

She refuses to let herself believe.
When he compliments her eyes
suspicion flares.
When he asks her opinion
she worries.
After he shyly asks if he might see her again…

… a thin green bud of hope curls from the soil of her soul.





©2012 Christopher Reilley

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Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Video - The Writers' Group





Recently, I had the pleasure of reading at the Newton Writing and Publishing Center. A very cool antique store with a lot of inspiration lining the space, and on this day, wall to wall with writers. So I dusted off this previously unpublished piece (10 years old) about the various members of a writing group, and shared it with the room.

I hope you enjoy it.


THE WRITERS GROUP

First there was the one who liked whatever you wrote
He praised each and every thing that he read
His commentary was positive, and often with a quote
But you could never quite believe what he said.

Then there was the romantic, who only looked at love
When making any sort of critical decision,
Her thoughts were on philosophy, and all things thereof
And she was against any sort of revision.

Another member of the group was nasty and bitter,
Vitriol was his major stock in trade.
Everyone he chased off he then reviled as a quitter
Every critique had edges sharper than a blade.

There was the earth mother; nurturing, positive and wise
Who made certain every work got a fair shake.
She did her best to carefully and honestly apprise,
And was gracious when pointing out a mistake.

The blue collar heart throb was also a member,
Wrote from the hip and usually scored,
He could fan a flame from the tiniest ember,
No matter what he wrote, nobody was bored.

There was also a timid soul, careful and shy,
Who never quite believed in her writing.
She would always take direction, always try,
But ran away at the first sign of fighting.

We had a vulgarian, every crowd has one at least
Whose crudity both shocked and amused,
His profanity and lewd suggestion never ceased
But his humor sometimes excused.

Then there was the critic, who neither wrote nor created
Instead he spent all of his efforts dissecting
He cared not a whit that he was universally hated
He preferred pointing out errors and correcting.

And we had a bully, let us never forget
A tough guy who pushed folks around
He was never happy unless someone was upset,
Unless someone was whipped and beaten down.

So why did we come to this writing group
Where not everyone was worth being heard?
Because we were more than just the members of our troop
We were dedicated to polishing the written word.

We were friends, and acquaintances, and family too
We listened and we bitched and complained.
We were all a part of the big writers zoo
We are writers, and we all entertained.


©2015 Christopher Reilley
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After the Typhoon

 
 
AFTER THE TYPHOON



After the typhoon of finding you,
after the hideaway weekend
eating chocolate covered strawberries
in a steaming Jacuzzi…

After serenades, and love poems I have scribbled,
dancing in our new home
cooking for you,
fighting with you…

... after the many meals together,
devouring each other with our eyes,
working hard to build a life together
I find you standing beside me.

At times, I cannot recall what life was
before you cast your shadow on me.
The pain of old mistakes returns
like arthritis on a rainy day.

You, are the surest balm to my hurt,
a soothing cool hand on my fevered brow.
We rub each other -
but only the right way.



©2004 Christopher Reilley
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Monday, June 8, 2015

Renegade, Renaissance, Radiance & Rosebud


Renegade, Renaissance, Radiance & Rosebud

Renegade

The Renegade rejects the sins of the past
Denies dogma, precedent and standard
Previous limits must all be surpassed
One’s obeisance cannot be pandered

Renaissance

Style and culture once more at the core
Of a grace note at a nation’s heart.
A regal image projected for rapport
Warmth and spirit meant to impart.

Radiance

The light of a child brightens our eyes
Warmth and cheer only go hand in glove
That this one is special is no great surprise
Given that her heart shines with love.

Rosebud

A fresh young flower in the bud of her bloom
Innocence wrapped in beauty and soul
Filling our minds with winsome perfume
Our appreciation making us whole.



©2005 Christopher Reilley
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