So Far From Me

SO FAR FROM ME

I cry silently in the deepest part of the night,
knowing that the only ears that hear me
are the cats curled on the foot of the bed,
and my wet eyes watch the twinkling of stars
mock their moist glimmers in the dark.

The moon glares back at me, scabrous and pocked
by the loneliness that reflects my own heart.

What we once shared has changed, grown away from me
and you now want distance more than you want my love,
so I am left not knowing how to love you further.

There is no solace in your promises that this is a good thing,
no joy to be found in the future you spin for my sake.

Though you swear separation will bring us closer,
all I can see is the beginning of the end of us,
so my heart hungers for what it once had and can no longer taste.

I refuse to close my eyes, denying the dreams that wait,
warding off the travel to the place where you should be,
knowing that I would walk alone there, as I walk these halls.

Weeping over wasted time, true love denied, and the power
you have to hold my future hostage with your denial.

But love is not love that will not give of itself, and so I do,
letting you go, willing to abide in misery, so that you may shine,
I forfeit all claim to smiles, and hope, peace or love.

My gift of solitude I give to you, my love,
so that you might find whatever you search for, so far from me.

©2010 Christopher Reilley

This poem has been nominated for a PUSHCART PRIZE

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