Patron Saint of Things That Didn't Exist
St. Patrick's Day in Southie 2025 - Boston Globe Patron Saint of Things That Didn’t Exist I sit in the corner of a loud Boston Irish pub smelling of wet wool and confident lies, listening to a man explain me as if I were a trick he learned from a better magician. He says I drove the snakes into the sea. I sip something dark and forgiving and let the room enjoy itself. There were never snakes there. Not one. Not a single scaled inconvenience slithering through grass. The island was scrubbed clean by ice long before I arrived— cold thorough as a sermon, water rising later like a locked door that forgot to include reptiles. And yet, here I am—patron saint of pest control for animals that never booked passage. Another round arrives. The story improves. Now I am standing on a hill, staff in hand, arguing theology with wildlife. I let them have it. The truth is quieter, and far less cinematic. I came back to Ireland after it broke me once. Kidnapped, herding animals, learning the ...
